Helping People (part 4)
Helping the Deluded (Those Who Think They Can Help Themselves)
Isaiah 44:9-23
Pastor Grady Davidson / 051808
1 Thessalonians 5:14
And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
Galatians 6:2
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
“I AM YOUR ADDICTION”
By Jonathan S. French (a young man who struggled with the demons of addiction)I hate meetings. I hate your higher powers. I hate anyone who has a “program”. To all who come into contact with me, I wish you suffering and I wish you death. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of addiction. I am cunning, baffling, and powerful. I have killed millions and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn’t I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, wasn’t I there when you called me? I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. Isn’t it true glory when you can’t hurt at all? I will give you instant gratification, and all that I ask from you is long-term suffering. I have always been there for you. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn’t deserve these things, and I was the only one who agreed with you. Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life. People don’t take me seriously. They take strokes, heart attacks, and diabetes seriously. Fools, little they know that without my help, some of these things would not take place. I am such a hated disease, yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many people have chosen me over reality and peace of mind. More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12-step program. Your programs, your higher powers and your meetings weaken me, and I can’t function in the manner I am used to. Now I must lie here quietly. You don’t see me, but I am growing LARGER than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I may only exist. But I am here…waiting and growing, ready to strike the moment you pick up…and until we meet again. I wish you suffering and death whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. It’ all death, no matter what you call me. I am your worst enemy! I am your addiction.
If you’ve just joined us this morning, we’re in the midst of a preaching series on “Helping People.” Today our subject is “Helping the Deluded,” those who think they can help themselves. In particular, we’re looking at the delusion that accompanies addiction. How do you help someone, perhaps one close to home, who lives under the strong delusion that is addiction?
Our scripture text from Isaiah, as you’ve seen for yourself, is about the futility and stupidity of constructing and worshiping idols of wood or stone or forged metal. How ridiculous, says Isaiah, to take in hand a block of wood; to sketch out and carve a human figure from ½ of it; then to take a break for dinner, and throw the other ½ of the block of wood in the fire to cook with and warm your bones; and then to bow down and worship the first half, saying “Save me; you are my god!” (notice verses 18 & 19, read)
Friends, the question we should be asking is “How does a beautiful, intelligent human being, God’s crowning achievement of creation, become so warped and deceived and deluded in his thinking, that he would bow down to and worship and serve a carving in wood? Or a piece of stone? Or a metal statuette? How does a beautiful, intelligent human being, God’s crowning achievement in creation, become so deluded that he or she surrenders her life to the service of crystal meth, or prescription pain killers, or crack cocaine, or a bottle of alcohol? How does that happen?
It’s really very simple. God designed us with an empty place in our hearts. God designed us so that we can’t be happy entirely on our own, so that we can’t successfully do life entirely on our own. God made us that way so that we would look up and seek Him, that He Himself might fill that emptiness. The human heart is like a jigsaw puzzle with a huge chunk missing from the very middle of the puzzle… God says, ‘I’m the missing piece; see, I complete the puzzle perfectly.’
However, starting back in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, sin entered the world, and sin has twisted and corrupted everything… above all else, sin makes us suspicious of God and His intentions… Sin convinces us that God is holding out on us, that God doesn’t have our good in mind… in fact sin convinces us that we are our own gods, and that we control our own world, and it’s up to us to complete the puzzle however we choose.
The empty space is still there. And so we look around for something square peg to fit into the round hole—something to fill that God-shaped empty place in the heart. Depending on who you are and how you’re hard-wired, you might attempt to fill it with any number of things: alcohol or shopping; meth or sports; crack or food; sex or porn or television or video games… whatever it is, God calls it an idol.
How does an idol function? Idols operate by making us take notice of that empty place in the heart, and then the idol offers to fill that space. The idol speaks just enough truth to get our attention and to gain our sympathies, but then it feeds us a lie to “set the hook” in our lives.
Example—the idol gets your attention and says: “Friend, you’ve had a bad day. Fact is, you’ve had a rotten month. Your job or your school stinks; your family doesn’t appreciate you; you deserve better. (And all that’s probably true!)” But then comes the lie: “Let me into your life, and I’ll fix things for you. Give me that empty space in your heart,” says the idol, “and you’ll be back in control.” The idol promises, “Yes, you can manage your life; you can have it all; just let me help.”
Now let’s be very clear: all idols will destroy you. There aren’t “good” idols versus “bad” idols. The LORD God says, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me,” that is, “in my presence.” If it’s anything other than the LORD himself, then it’s up to no good and in the end, it will devastate you. We’ve all watched as people allowed their lives to become pre-occupied with seemingly harmless activities and priorities; and while they weren’t paying attention, their world came apart. No, there aren’t “good idols” and “bad idols.” They’ll all ruin us. And in the tragic and terrible end, we find ourselves in that awful place described in verse 20 (read from NIV).
Isaiah 44:20, The Message paraphrase,
“This lover of emptiness, of nothing, is so out of touch with reality, so far gone, that he can't even look at what he's doing, can't even look at the no-god stick of wood in his hand and say, ‘This is crazy.’"
I like this paraphrase so much, because it gets to the very heart of addiction: Addiction is insanity. An addict is driven by a deluded, even insane view of the world. The whole world revolving around the addict is nuts! Many of you have been there and know it all so well.
What is an addict? I want to share with you the best definition of an addict that I’ve ever heard. Addict: someone who can’t handle life on life’s terms. There are certain rules that govern life in this world. The wise person learns and accepts them early on. Rules such as,
“Nobody else is going to pay your way through this world.”
“Others don’t exist to make you happy.”
“In this world, others don’t exist to clean up your mess.”
“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”
An addict is someone who can’t handle life on life’s terms. An addict is someone who refuses to accept that the rules apply to them too. In many cases, the addict will turn to chemical substances in an effort to circumvent the rules and handle life. However, there are other addicts who may not get drunk or get high; but they find other things to “use” in an effort to get a grip on life: for example, some addicts use people; or spending sprees; or binge eating, mindless activity; or work and career; or recreation, or you-fill-in-the blank! Any and all of these idols can take control and devastate a life!
How do you help the deluded? How do you break the cycle of insanity? Of course you and I can’t; we can’t set anybody free, but God can… and in God’s plan of freedom for the deluded, you and I do have a part to play.
Look at verse 20 (read). That very first word says so much, “Remember.” Our role as People Helpers is to help the addict to remember that the Lord is God, and the idol is nothing. As People Helpers, our business is to expose the lies which the addict believes, so that he might learn the truth which sets him free! As the People Helper, you’re there to guide that person to the place of realization (v. 20), “Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?” You’re there to help him reach his own conclusion that addiction isn’t working, and that he’s got to get some help! As the People Helper you’re there to force the issue, that the addict is persistently and insanely trying to force the square peg into the round hole of the heart. You’re there to guarantee that the idol is betrayed for the sham that it really is, and that the idol’s lies are exposed for what they are! What I’ve just described is very difficult, but by God’s grace it can be done!
Now listen very carefully. One of the reasons that it’s so difficult to help an addict, is that there are so many people involved in the situation. Typically speaking, surrounding the addict there’s a network of people who together give unspoken permission the addiction to continue. There might be six or eight people, each of whom plays his unspoken role. There’s Momma who listens to the addict’s sad stories for the 10 thousandth time about how unfair and cruel the world is. There’s Uncle Jack who’s always good for $20 when the addict’s broke and needing a fix. There’s the spouse who tries to keep things smoothed over between the addict and the addict’s employer. There’s the parent who chips in and pays the power bill on the last day, just when the electricity’s about to be switched off. There’s the child in the family who seethes with anger at the whole mess, and is known for acting out and causing trouble, and becomes labeled as the scapegoat, the one who carries the blame for the family’s troubles. (By the way that scapegoat child is usually the most sane individual of the bunch!) There’s the child who emotionally disappears and nobody notices at all. Then you have the rescuing child whose job it is to be quietly sympathetic with all, in an effort to maintain some level of equilibrium. There’s the neighbor who knows that sometimes she needs to watch the kids because things are coming unglued again across the street. There’s this whole web of enablers (don’t get me wrong—these people hate the addiction and know that it’s destroying their loved one); and yet everyone keeps playing their unspoken role.
However, look at the whole thing from the standpoint of the addict: As far as he can tell, the idol is still working fine! From his or her viewpoint, the idol is delivering on its promise! The addict’s not about to face the demon, because from his standpoint, the idol’s working fine! After all, he has all these people running in circles to protect the idol, and to protect the idol’s function in the addict’s life…so why on earth would he want to quit?!
My friend, to help the deluded loved one in your life, you must let him bump into some walls. As long as you’re there to absorb the consequences and to absorb the pain into your own life, the addict is going to keep on keeping on.
We must learn to say a very difficult, a very painful phrase… the phrase “I love you, and because I love you...”
I love you, and because I love you, I’m not going to finance this anymore.
I love you, and because I love you, I’m not cleaning up any more of your messes.
I love you, and because I love you, you can’t do that here anymore.
I love you, and because I love you, you’re going to have to go somewhere else when you’re like this.
Friends, there’s all kinds of help out there for those with addictions. There’s much more help today than there was even 30 years ago. Addiction is understood better, and when it comes to substance abuse there are now some good “step-down” drugs that can help people adjust to sobriety. However, until the addict knows that the idol is a worthless idol, and until he feels the agony of its worthlessness, he’ll keep bowing down to it.
Now let’s be honest: you love this person. You care deeply for this person. Because you love and care for the person, the tendency of your heart is to want to protect him from pain. You want to rescue him from the consequences of his idolatry; you want to shield him from the consequences of his idolatry—and that drive to protect and defend is natural—but it is not helpful. Addiction, the beast that it is, will continue running the show until the addict has crashed into walls at every turn; in fact, addiction will keep running the show until the addict learns to hate the idol more than he fears the prospect of letting it go.
So how do you help the deluded? You do everything you can to expose the idol for the sham that it is. You pull the legs out from under the addict, so that he falls and hurts and wants a better life. This is so very much like parenting. If little Johnnie wants to go to McDonalds and Mom says “No,” but then Johnnie runs to Dad and Dad says “Yes,” then Mom’s “no” isn’t going to have any teeth in it. When you’re pulling the legs out from under the addict, everybody has to be on board. Everybody has to be on the same sheet of music. If you want to talk about how you can work to make that happen in a particular case, then Katherine or I would be happy to talk to you.
The other thing that’s so important is that you help the deluded not with a spirit of condemnation and guilt and shame, but with a spirit of grace. Every conversation, every action, every hard and difficult step you take as the People Helper, must be couched in a spirit of the grace and love of Jesus Christ—because He’s the only one who can fill that empty place in the heart! Hear again the mercy and grace of the LORD in verse 22… (read).
Wherever you find the delusion of addiction at work, it’s always engulfed in a cloud of shame and guilt and embarrassment. The shame and guilt lead to secrecy. My friend, let the light of the grace of Christ Jesus flood that dark situation.
You all know this, but it’s worth a reminder that shame won’t fix anybody. If you inflict shame on the addict, the shame leads to guilt, and guilt to despair, and despair back to the idol again. Inflicting shame only guarantees that the cycle of addiction will repeat itself.
It’s the love of God shown in Jesus Christ that sets us free. As His People Helpers we go armed with the boundless, limitless ocean of love of Christ, a love which refuses to permit that idol to work its deception anymore.
This message has been principally for those who would be People Helpers, with the desire to help those who struggle with addiction. However, in any given crowd on any given day there are also those who themselves wrestle with the demons of addiction themselves. If that’s you, then let me assure you that this day the Lord has brought you to a community of grace and understanding; a community that wants to walk with you hand in hand as you pursue the help you need. Please know that the hollow place in your heart can only be filled by the love of the Lord Jesus Christ. Please know that His death on the cross both pays for your sin’s penalty, and breaks the idol’s power in your life. With Jesus Christ in your heart, and linked arm in arm with this faith community, this idol’s grip can be broken in your life. But for that process to begin, you’ve got to tell Jesus, and you’ve got to share it with somebody else. (Invitation & prayer)
